Saturday, April 10, 2010
THE CONSTRUCTION AND OPERATION OF A DEVICE FOR TRAVELLING IN SPACE
Now heat it quickly before the hole closes. Quietly erect the oddest assortment to the tune of width over the proportionate volume squared. In cross-section, the hull comes apart in sixteen definite sections, commencing with the drunken gentleman at the rear who serves as a tiller.
The preceding sections have a pronounced lisp, which makes their speech soft and waxy. The wax, however, is edible. When moving the craft will make a loving sound, something like a nightmare.
This will serve seven and is rainbow coloured. The length is variable. Stoke it. Finalize your preparatory analysis with checkerboard patterns. A handle and windows are optional. If it is squeezed, no deflection will occur in the surface if all parts are doused and steamed in malleable pearl.
To launch this device, have your hash browned at 170 degrees F. This will cause swelling of the joints and other enlargements. It is windy and there is a blue sky with puffy white clouds. On all sides can be seen shiny spheres of various sizes and colours. Fields stretch away to the horizon and back again. Once aboard the craft, the controls are nowhere to be seen. Sit back at a considerable angle.
On arriving at denseness #1, we discover semi-distraught species of many earthly hues. They are salty and are ground up into small sections, right, centre, left and up.
Denseness #2, area of perfumed atmosphere, comes along on armadillo back, with a siren. The armadillo may rent itself asunder behind your very eyes. Nevertheless, the next and last denseness is cerebral honey. It covers everything outside the craft.
This density, by the way, may be calculated with your finger nail, or similar measuring device. The mean division is upper, while the axis swings on a definite line toward the South Pole. No deflection is possible, however, if you are prepared with either ether or some other ethereal substance. Mixing it may prove difficult at some altitudes. The swinging motion may be adjusted by a small lever on the right.
At any moment, a small man, usually about 2 to 6 inches high, with a bowler hat and sixteen pairs of alligator shoes may land on your knee. Ignore this as you must concentrate on your instruments and charts. Straight ahead is affixed nothing less than a facsimile penguin-shaped duster. Dust everything. Polish and spit on it. Cover your mistakes with a black swan made of aluminum heated to its latent squid-diameter. If anything squeaks, abandon ship. There is no room for error here. Remove it and replace with sawdust, rouge, or a fine layer of mercury. This too must be polished if maximum equilibrium is to be maintained.
At first things went well and morale was high. Some of the men played black-jack with the pseudo-food, and the rest meanwhile, lay stacked one upon the other in the corner. The negotiations and perturbations we were making were up to me to correct.
It was dawn. The sun was glowing, but not in its usual way. It was more as if it was split up like sections of an orange; each part hovered around the other and made an annoying buzz.